i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize