I just gift wrapped bread.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
