how can u be prego again
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
