A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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