i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
