would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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