Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
