It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
