The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
