Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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