i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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