Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
