I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
