wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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