1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
