You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
