I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
