Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
