Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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