Will you blow on my dice?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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