i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
