Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
