I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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