I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You need a sexual gate keeper
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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