I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
