so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
