My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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