I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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