Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
