I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
