Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
