you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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