You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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