when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
