If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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