You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
