just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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