is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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