apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
