I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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