3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
