Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
