he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
