maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
