Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
