That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
