You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
