Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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