You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
