i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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