I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
