yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What drink are we having for lunch?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
