we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
