Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
