My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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