Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think people are normalizing furries
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
