shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
