that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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