It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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