They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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