does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
