It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
