So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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