I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
