I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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