What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
