do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
