I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
