I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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