i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
