If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
