the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
