Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
