she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
