need another drink. this is the easiest way
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
