so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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