Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
