this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
