I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
