I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
