so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he had hair everywhere except his balls
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
