She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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