just tell him i said nine months
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
