I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
