I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
