Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
