first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
