I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
