you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
