It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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