my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
