Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
