I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
