I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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