So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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