she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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