so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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