So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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