i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
