i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So squirting runs in the family.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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