then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
