sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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