I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
